Do you enjoy making other people feel bad?
Do you feel great after ruining someone's day?
Do you get pleasure from irking people?
Do you find it satisfying when you cause other people pain?
Do you like making other people feel worthless?
Do you love making a big deal of other people's mistakes?

If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, you probably have a very sad life. Bullying other people will not make you feel better about yourself. It does not make you better than other people.

If you have ever experienced being bullied before, you must understand that there are several reasons why some people are bullies. In rare cases, bullies do not realize that they are hurting other people. Whatever their reasons are, there are many ways in dealing with them.

Before presuming that someone is intentionally trying to make you feel bad, ask yourself a few things.

• Are you just having a bad day? Most of the time, people are easily irritated when things don't go their way.
• Is that person just trying to gain your attention? It may not be a good way to do it but that person probably does not know any other way to get noticed.
• Is there a reason for that person to be jealous of you? Do they belittle you to maybe make themselves feel better (about themselves)?
• Have you unintentionally insulted another person and they may be reacting to that?
• Is that person treating you harshly with the intent of helping you in the long run? That person might be trying to teach you a lesson as well. S/He might have been trying to help you and you have not been listening.
• Does that person have other personal/professional problems? This person may have other issues that are making him/her frustrated. Stress can be a major cause as well. Unfortunately, that's not an excuse to take it out on other people.

What can you do? Here are a few suggestions:

• Present the situation to other (unbiased) people and get their opinion.
• Directly or indirectly (through a letter) confront that person. Understand, however, that you need to be cautious when taking this route. It depends on who you are confronting. Confronting a close friend/relative is not the same as confronting a person you do not know very well. Consider having someone else come with you during a confrontation. An impartial mediator will be beneficial. And, lastly, stay calm during confrontations. Do not demand an apology. Instead, calmly explain how this person hurt you and ask them why they are doing it. If the person refuses to answer, give them time to come to you. If the person starts getting violent and starts harassing you, contact legal authorities.
• You can also avoid contact with that person if the irrational behavior continues.
• If it is at work, make sure you inform your immediate manager of the situation (if it's not the manager that's bullying you). You can also directly contact your company's Human Resources department.

Posted on 14 May 2008 | Reality Check | Permalink | Comments ()